Ways 2 Annoy the Twilight Characters
by Dallas Angel
Summary: what happens when Emmett finds a website making fun of the twilight characters
1. The Discovery

**Disclaimer**

**Me: I do no or will ever own twilight**

**Marsy Stars: No duh**

**Me: No need to rub it in**

**Marsy Stars: I'm just sayin' your not Stephanie Meyers**

**Me: Whatever**

**Marsy Stars: Don't you have a story to write**

**Me: Yes and it'll be better than yours**

**Marsy Stars: Fine Whatever *sigh~***

Chapter 1: The Discovery

Emmett POV

"Hey Guys check this out" I said

"What is it" Edward asked like the party popper he is.

"I heard that" he called.

"I know" I replied smirking. "

"What's going on Emmett" Alice asked

"I found an awesome website"

"What's it about" Jasper asked

"Its this site all about us some stalker chic put it up"

"Yes and..." Bella asked

"Well I found this link to this site called Fan Fiction and there were these weird stories about us and I read some-"

Edward cut me off "You read. Wow!"

"Shut up Eddie. Yeah, now like I was saying I found this story and it was so funny it was all about annoying you guys." That got everyones attention they all crowded around the computer screen to get a better look.

"Ha Ha Edward." Jacob laughed

"Ha Ha yourself have you seen yours." Edward replied.

Just from that I knew this was going to be a funny day.

A/N: Do you like it. I know it's short and not that funny but I'm going to update soon. As in soon I mean today so review so I know after the first real one I post so just leave a = ) or = ( if you don't feel like writing anything just something please.

Dallas Angel

P.S. My signature is also a link to my profile

P.P.S I sound desperate in my A/N because I am


	2. Edward

**Disclaimer**

**Me: I know I said this earlier today but I do not own Twilight**

**M.S.: Obviously**

**Me: I thought I kicked you out of my Disclaimers**

**M.S.: Yeah but I snuck back on **

**Me: Whatever I have a story to write**

Chapter 2: Edward

Edward POV

I looked at the screen and growled. Everyone especially the dog were laughing at the screen which said:

Ways 2 Annoy Edward Cullen

ask him if he's team jacob

ask him where his fangs are

where one of the anti-twilight shirts ex.:_And Buffy Staked Edward THE END_

ask him why he doesn't blow up in the sun

call him Eddie-boy

when he's reading your mind start thinking 70s music

tell him werewolves are better than vampires

tell him real man dont sparkle

ask him if he loves bella so much why did he he leave her

take a bunch of team jacob fans and have them wear team jacob shirts and rub it in his face that jacob has fans and he doesnt

buy advanced tickets to vampires suck and give them to him

tell him the only reason bella picked him is because she was worried jacob might imprint on somebody

take his CDs and burn them

take his volvo and play bumper cars with it

take a sledge hammer and bust up his piano

read him one of those fan fictions that make fun of him (A/N: Like this one = ) )

tell him bellas cheating on him with mike newton

tell him he may be one of the main characters but people like jasper better

take a bunch of boys and pay them to stare at reneesme and think inappropriate thoughts

tell him Bella jumped off that cliff just to make him go to the volturi

tell him he's a creeper for sneaking into bella's bedroom

-Dallas Angel

"Ha Ha Ha Ha" Jacob laughed. Grrrr!

"Shut it, Mutt" I growled.

"Aaah, is Eddie-boy upset" Jacob teased

Shut it, Mongrel." Getting angrier and angrier by the second.

"Make me" He replied mockingly.

"Fine I will." I replied.

"No, you will not because I say so." Renesmee intervened.

Dang it! This was going to be a long day.

**A/N: So what do you think like it, love it, dislike it, hate it, all of the above. Sorry team Edward fans I just couldn't resist but I have an idea on how to make it up to you I'll let you (you as in all my readers) choose the next character to annoy so either go review (you don't even have to be a member) so the button (you know the one where you click then write your opinion on the story yeah that button) must be pushed or you can go to my profile and vote on the poll I have set up.**

**-****Dallas Angel **

**P.S.: Signature still leads to profile**


	3. Jacob

**Disclaimer**

**Me: I do not own twiligth**

**M.S.: Obviously**

**Edward Cullen: Yeah Obilviously**

**Me: M.S. You were band and edward go away**

**M.S.: Yeah but I snuck back on again **

**E.C.: No not unless you take that thing down**

**Me: Never **

**E.C.: Then live with it**

**Me: Fine whatever I need to write my story**

Chapter 2: Jacob

Jacob POV

Earlier that day we had found this thing on how to annoy Edward. Earlier today I wanted to give the author a high 5. Now I want to kill her because the screen now clearly read:

Ways 2 Annoy Jacob Black

ask him if he's a color

buy him a team edward t-shirt

ask why he turns into a giant dog

tell him he's just as weird as edward for walking around bella's house at night

ask him why he made a promise to never leave bella but then right after ignore her for 2 weeks

ask him if he needs a full moon to turn into a werewolf

call him Jakie-poo

tell him renesmee has a crush on Mike Newton

destroy his rabbit

tell him he has to destroy half of renesmee because she's half vampire

get one of his pictures and photoshop it to look like a vampire

get a fan fiction were renesmee ends up with anybody but him

call him a leech lover

tell him he smells like vampire

say sams pack is better than his

tell him leah imprinted on him

tell him theres more team edward fans then team jacob

have someone ask out renesmee in front of him

when he's in wolf form ask him for a ride

ask him if he's on steriods

cut him with a knife and why he's complaining tell him he'll heal by sunset so he needs to get over himself

-Dallas Angel

"Okay Edward let's go hunt her down" I told him

"Finally someone who agree's with me" He replied

"Okay you look her up I'll start making the anti-Dallas Angel merchandise"

"Okay"

"You guys will do nothing of the sort" Bella interjected

"Why not" I asked

"Because she's funny" she replied

"Yeah" Everyone Agreed

"You won't say that when it's you" Edward said

"If it gets to us" Alice replied simply

**A/N: Okay so like it love it hate it review and tell me okay so people I know people are reading because there reviewing but please vote I choose this one but I want you to choose so if you have a character from twilight I will happily annoy them for you just tell me**

**-****Dallas Angel **

**P.S.: Signature still leads to profile**


	4. Alice

**Disclaimer**

**Me: I do not own twilight**

**M.S.: Duh**

**Me: I have banned you like 3 times go away**

**M.S.: Never**

**E.C.: Yeah never **

**Jacob Black: were not leaving until you take that thing down**

**Me: Absolutely not**

**Me: Fine whatever I need to write my awesome story**

**E.C.: It is not awesome**

**Me: Awesome is in the eye of the beholder**

**J.B.: I thought that was beauty**

**Me: Shut up Jacob **

**J.B.: Never**

**Me: Whatever since this is getting long and I need a restraining order against a werewolf vampire and annoying cousin I'm going to start my story now **

Chapter 2: Alice

Alice POV

I was laughing my head off at these they were hilarious. I was planning after this to go shopping for some supplies to put these lists into action. While I was thinking about this I started to hear laughter so I turned around and as soon as I saw the screen I erased all my plans and started planning the best way to kill the author because the screen now said:

Ways 2 Annoy Alice Cullen

Tell her hair is so 80's

Burn her closet

Play bumper cars with her Porsche

Give her a shirt from Wal-Mart

call her pixie

Ask her if Edwards the boss of her

If she says no ask her why she left in new moon at Edwards word if she didn't want to

ask her why her brother is a stalker

tell him jaspers leaving her for Jessica Stanly

Find a Fan Fiction where she has a bad fashion sense

Tell her Bella's going to Barbie for someone else

Ask her where her crystal ball is

tell her that hundreds of Team Jasper girls have shredded her picture

Go to school wearing the same outfit as her

On a day she spends really hard on Bella's outfit slip Bella a t-shirt and faded jeans (or sweats) and give her a wash cloth to wash off all the make-up

Ask her if her real names Mary when she says yes start calling her Mary Poppins and telling her that I don't know why I didn't realize it before you look and dress just like her

Tell everybody has a team but her

Ask her if she keeps her hair spiky just to cut her animals with

Tell her the world is short on cotton so no more clothes will be made

When she's in a panic call her stupid and tell her you can't run out of cotton it's a renewable resource

When she asks how her make up looks tell her she looks like a clown

Dallas Angel

"Okay Jacob go get some dynamite Edward go get some matches I'll go find out where she lives." I ordered

"Yes Ma'am." They yelled in unison but before we could go do are assigned duties Bella intervened.

"No one is going to hurt this author do you all understand me and Edward Jacob stay out of her disclaimers." (**A/N: Yeah leave the author alone and stay disclaimers) **

"Fine will leave her alone foe now and as for the disclaimer thing never." Jacob replied.

"Yeah this is war." Edward agreed

"We can't back down haven't you heard that Camp Rock 2 song there' I put in.

"Yes I've heard the song but please don't hurt or kill her emotionally of physically." Bella asked.

"For now." Was all we said.

**A/N: Yep I'm going to be hunted down by the twilight characters. Well the story of my life. What I'm really upset about is it seems no one has voted on my poll. **_***sniffle sniffle cry sob***_** I need to know who you want to annoy or my quest to annoy every single twilight character for the enjoyment of others will be incomplete so please either review or vote on who you want annoyed.**

**-Dallas Angel**


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